1) What's your name?
2) Why are you here?
Hey, the coupons are great.
3) Who's your favorite Muppet?
The green one with nine eyes who jumps up and down and says "Shit, this isn't a western!"
4) If you were a vegetable, what would you be? Why?
I'd be a V8 because it's an amalgamation and/or a conglomerate of all greatness.
5) What are your nicknames, past and present?
Bitch. Gravy. The Boy with the Ass with a 3D Purple Square on it.
6) What's your favorite cartoon?
The Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom is singing "Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Baby?"
7) What's your favorite book?
Why White People Blow, a confession from God as told to Peter.
8) Name something stupid and/or crazy you've done.
Become a Baptist.
9) Who's the most idiotic person you know?
God, there's a lot of dumb people out there. ... Anybody who says "Look! I'm pouring beer down my pants!"
10) What is your main aspiration in life?
To do a duet with Trent Reznor and sing "Shiny Happy People" because he's a wicked happy guy!
11) What's the best thing about high school?
Next question please. ... Hold on. Poking fun at honkie Christians during mass.
12) What color underwear are you wearing?
The Olsen Twins.
13) What was the best thing about the 80s?
The Pointer Sisters and Red Leather.
14) How did you feel about doing this interview?