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Interview with Greg C.
(first published in Golly Gee #10, spring 2000)

1) What's your name?
Greg Cambell. Actually Gregory George Campbell the first.

2) Why are you here?
To save the universe, not unlike Thom Yorke.

3) Who's your favorite New Kid?
Jordan, because his head looks like a carrot. It's tasty!

4) Who's your favorite Muppet?
Wow, they're all so good. Chamberlain the Skexie (from The Dark Crystal). 'Cause of the way he says "gelfling." I also like the male gelfling 'cause he looks like Roger Waters.

5) If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be?
Non-sentient. 'Cause I'd be a fruit or vegetable.

6) Where is the best place to hang out in Boston?
My bedroom. (why?) That's private business. I'd be glad to show anybody for a large fee. Don't tell Michelle.

7) What's in your wallet?
Love, money, a free movie pass 'cause the tape screwed up duing Eyes Wide Shut. There were five minutes when all you could see were people's chests, and they weren't even naked. And my Mass driver's lisence where I look like a serial killer.

8) What are your nicknames?
Septo, Greggies (it's plural... I have no idea), Freak, and Fag (but that's going back to high school).

9) Name something stupid and/or crazy you've done.
Once when I was on acid, I talked to an electric eye for an hour. That was pretty stupid.

10) What's the most impressive thing about homies?
There are actually two things. One, they can actually keep those pants on, and Two, they wear those puffy parkas even during the summer. I don't know how they do that.

11) What's the best thing about Vanilla Ice?
Huh. Thinking... He's never made a mess in my living room, and I like his hair. He and Morrissey could be twinsies, as in, "ooh honey we're wearing the same outfit, we're twinsies!"

12) What's your main aspiration in life?
I want to replace Ernest Borgnine as America's sex symbol. I also want to know everything.

13) Name the best thing about high school.
It ends.

14) Name your best memory of junior high.
Almost being thrown off a bridge called the Chuck-A-Homo 2. It was dubbed after the bridge that they threw the gay guy off in Bangor. Three football players tried to throw me off it for the length of the bridge and I just kept walking. It was a short bridge though, only like, 10 or 15 feet walking.
I admire your typing skills picked up from TPI. Let's see... energetic, vivacious SWM, 21, enjoys Betty White movies and tennis. How many Betty White movies are there? She's in Lake Placid. Actually I don't like tennis, I lied.

15) What was the best thing about the '80s?
I have to go back to my childhood... I guess I like to think of the '80s as the decade of The Nuge even though he did most of his work in the '70s. NUGE. You knew I had to bring up The Nuge.

16) What's your favorite rap song?
Hmm. I have one. There's a Talking Heads song, I don't remember its title but David Byrne raps about facts. It's just very cool to hear David Byrne rap.

17) If you were an insect, what would you be?
Mothra. I really like those midget twins that follow her around. And then I could kick Godzilla's ass, too. Actually, Godzilla was the king of the monsters yet a lot of other monters kicked his ass. I guess he was just a figurehead.

18) What's your favorite junior high saying?
I didn't talk much in junior high, actually. I used to mumble things like "go die," and "I'm better than you," but I still say that.

19) If you were to suddenly spontaneously combust, what would your last thought be of?
Man, I wish I had saved Ted Nugent until now. Because of the flaming arrows. That or pie.

20) Are you a cat or dog person?
Dog person. I always grew up with dogs. I like to have my face licked by whatever means possible.

21) How did you feel about doing this interview?
Um... Let's see... Nervous, pensive, a little bit dangerous, a little bit bad.


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