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Interview with Elise
(first published in Golly Gee #7, May 1996)


1) What's your name?

2) Why are you here?
To quote the words of Babe the pig, "Why are any of us here?"

3) Who's your favorite New Kid?
At first I like Donnie, 'cause he's badass, then I liked Joey 'cause he had a nice hat, but then I found out that his hair wasn't naturally curly, so then I liked Jordan, just 'cause he's gay.

4) Who's your favorite Muppet?
The guy who sings "Muhna Muhna."

5) If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be?
I'll be asparagus because we all cuss for asparagus.

6) What are your nicknames?
Bubbaganoosh 'cause I'm actually Indian but my parents are sort of ashamed of their heritage, they're living a lie… but don't print that.

7) What's in your wallet?
I don't have a wallet 'cause I don't have any money. But if I did have a wallet I'd keep an album of all my friend's armhair.

8) Where is the best place to hang out in the seacoast area?
Eliot Meat Market, right across from Eliot ELEM school.

9) Name something stupid and/or crazy you've done.
Once I dressed up like a girl and I went to Portsmouth and I told everyone my name is Elise.

10) What's the most impressive thing about homies?
I would have to say their ability to walk with a beat despite those pants—it's really difficult with those pants. Plus, their ability for the pants to stay up with absolutely nothing holding them. I think the reason I'm impressed by them is because no real ones exist in this area, they're all novelties.

11) What's the best thing about Vanilla Ice?
Oh man there's so many good things, he was in that seduction scene in Cool As Ice—broke into that girl's house and rubbed the ice cube all over her, yet she still woke up slowly. PLUS her father was Michael Gross, the dad from Family Ties!

12) What's your main aspiration in life?
To be one of those girls who wear all that slutty clothing and all the guys want her not because of her mind but because she puts out.

13) Name the best thing about high school.
Those girls that wear the slutty clothing and all the guys want them just 'cause they put out.

14) Name your best memory of junior high.
I liked when I got in a fight with that buff boy.

15) What was the best thing about the '80s?
Had to have been hot pink scarves tied around the head with blond hair. The eyemakeup too.

16) What's your favorite rap song?
"Big Girls Don't Cry" the rap version by The Four Seasons (rendition).

17) If you were an insect, what would you be?
I'd be an ant because they're disgusting and I hate them.

18) What's your favorite junior high saying?
"As if!"

19) If you were to suddenly spontaneously combust, what would your last thought be of?
The cat in the microwave in Gremlins. I'd just kick myself for having to laugh at that.

20) How did you feel about doing this interview?
It made me sort of hot but I think that's just the air.


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