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Interview with Barbara
(first published in Golly Gee #8, November 1996)


1) What's your name?

2) Why are you here?
To stare at your ceiling fan and watch the things wiggle.

3) Who's your favorite New Kid?
Danny. I seriously thought he was cute, and it turned out he was the ugly one.

4) Who's your favorite Muppet?
Oh god! Kermit. Because he says "Hi Ho!"

5) If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be?
A tomato 'cause no one could tell which one (fruit or veg)

6) What are your nicknames?
Babs, Iyris, Babsie, Honeydew, Love, Girlfriend

7) What's in your wallet?
Stolen credit card numbers, stolen money, expired coupons, stickers, T tokens, and buttons from skirts. And stickers from the bank, usually normal money, typed list of phone numbers, savings deposit slips, pathetic driver's permit, old movie stubs, tickets from Bowl O Rama, miscellaneous name tags (No, Go Away, What., Iyris, Babs).

8) Where is the best place to hang out in the seacoast area?
Dead Duck Inn

9) Name something stupid and/or crazy you've done.
There's too much to choose from. Bought a Boyz II Men CD, I stood at the top of a waterfall at one of those miniature golf things and sat down Indian style and posed for pictures. Climbed up the side of a waterfall, the cliff was about a foot wide, the waterfall was about 30 or 40 feet high, getting down was a problem...

10) What's the most impressive thing about homies?
That their pants stay on.

11) What's the best thing about Vanilla Ice?
They probably have a low fat version.

12) What's your main aspiration in life?
To become entirely omnipotent and to get really calloused feet.

13) Name the best thing about high school.
That it's over.

14) Name your best memory of junior high.
That it's over.

15) What was the best thing about the '80s?
You can't tell which is more artificial, the music or the hair.

16) What's your favorite rap song?
"1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New)" –Coolio

17) If you were an insect, what would you be?
A lady bug for reasons I have to keep secret.

18) What's your favorite junior high saying?
Give a care.

19) If you were to suddenly spontaneously combust, what would your last thought be of?
How long can you write?

20) How did you feel about doing this interview?
I was content 'cause I had a stuffed kitten on my stomach.


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